WIXOM, MI – It is rumored that Discraft has spent a record-breaking $100,000,000 for future sponsorship rights to Paul McBeth’s firstborn child in what has come to be known as the ‘McBaby’ contract.
Unless you have been living under a big rock in the woods like Calvin Heimburg, you have probably noticed the sudden onslaught of professional disc athletes changing frisbee sponsors.
First, it was Infinite Discs seducing Drew Gibson with a seven-figure salary, his own signature line of discs, and a lifetime supply of unscented lotion to keep his prison tattoos hydrated.
Next, it was Ricky Wysocki ending his borderline inappropriate relationship with his Tour Series Pigs; leaving Innova for a more progressive sponsor in Dynamic Discs.
This leads us to the biggest news of the season yet; Discraft buying the sponsorship rights of Paul McBeth’s firstborn child for an almost unbelievable amount of money – one hundred million dollars. The ‘McBaby’ contract is rumored to run until the child’s 18’th birthday when there will be an optional extension.
In an interview during his swimsuit photoshoot with Sports Illustration, McBeth had this to say about the signing: “Hannah and I couldn’t be happier for our future child. We’ve even picked out a few baby names already. We really like Luna or Sol if it’s a girl, and if it’s a boy we’ve been toying with Hades, Nuke OS, or Banger GT. My personal favorite is Banger GT because then I could call him Lil’ McBanger for short. It’s a pretty stinkin’ cute.” Paul said as he started tearing up.
“All of those names are completely normal names and are absolutely not influenced by the fact that Discraft just wrote us an eight-figure check.” Paul explained. “Just a few years ago we had been considering names like Aviar, Nova, Teebird, and Polecat. But those are stupid and ridiculous to me now. The new names are way more valuab- I mean, better.” He quickly clarified.
We’ve also been talking to Celsius about giving Lil’ McBanger his own line of baby energy formulas. They are going to have a crap ton of BCAA’s in them which will be clutch for his pre fieldwork feeding.”
“But the thing I’m most excited about” Continued McBeth, “Is our partnership with Rangefinder. We’ve actually been working with Elon Musk on developing a Rangefinder eye implant. It will work just like a normal Rangefinder; except it’s implanted behind your eyes. You can literally see how far you are from any object at any time which is awesome because it’s never too early to start memorizing disc ranges.”
And since the surgery would only leave him blind until his second birthday,” He elaborated, “It seems like a no brainer to me. It will give him a massive advantage on the field when he’s 200 feet from the basket and instinctively reaches for his Tour Series Metallic Z Luna.”
What do you think about disc manufacturers venturing into the futures market sponsorship game? Leave us a comment and let us know!
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6 thoughts on “Discraft Buys Rights To Paul McBeth’s Firstborn Child For Record-Breaking $100m Sponsorship”
What makes you say that Stephen?
Oh my god. Someone had to tell us it was fake news.
I think Anne Heiser is going to have to change to their satire style to protect the stupid from themselves. I’m actually worried that some fool will try to confront Eagle after reading that other story.
Interesting concept, Rob.
Are people still paying Wysocki to *not* have kids? Damn I hope so.
Can’t wait…2042 World Championship Lead Card: