Eagle McMahon Stares Down Young Child Who Clapped For Another Card While He Was Putting

EUREKA, IL – Professional frisbee thrower Eagle McMahon stares down a nine-year-old girl for allegedly clapping for another card while he was putting.

Eagle McMahon

“It was completely unintentional,” said Mallory Ford, referring to her nine-year-old daughter clapping during Eagle’s putt. “She was actually clapping for Kyle Klein. He parked a 500 foot approach shot on a nearby hole and my daughter didn’t even notice that Eagle was putting right next to her.”

“I thought it was kind of an overreaction from Eagle,” Mallory explained. “Because he followed us around for the rest of the day, just mean-mugging my daughter the entire time. And he didn’t even miss his putt when she clapped.”

“His reaction would have been totally understandable if she would have caused him to miss his putt, since it would have caused him to win the tournament by only 7 strokes instead of 8. But he made it.”

“I started to get nervous when he followed us into the course clubhouse and sat down at the same table as us,” Mallory said. “He wouldn’t respond to anything we said. He just sat there glaring at her while she ate her chicken strips. It was extremely uncomfortable.”

“It got to the point where other pros started noticing and tried to calm him down. Luckily Big Jerm saw him trying to follow us to the parking lot and he was able to restrain him for long enough for us to get to our car.”

“As we were getting to our car Garrett Gurthie approached us and was trying to get us to buy some sketchy looking bagged meat, but ran over to help Jeremy when he saw that he was barely able to restrain Eagle on his own. Eventually they were both able to wrestle him to the ground.”

“While he was on the ground he just kept screaming ‘THIS ISN’T OVER!’ and ‘EAGLE NEVER FORGETS!’ over and over again as we drove away. Also I’m pretty sure he was foaming at the mouth too. Truly terrifying.”

“We were planning on waiting in line to get some of my daughter’s favorite pros to sign her crock pot,” Said Mallory. “But it was starting to get dark and it wasn’t worth the risk of walking to our car alone in the dark with Eagle following us like he was.”

“I don’t know what I would have done if Big Jerm and Double G hadn’t been there. They are true heroes.”

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23 thoughts on “Eagle McMahon Stares Down Young Child Who Clapped For Another Card While He Was Putting”

  1. I didn’t think I’d ever have the courage to talk about this again, but at Disc Side of Heaven (Jonesboro) last year Eagle made an amazing edge of circle one out right as the rain poured down and the wind picked up to 30mph. I yelled, “Yeeeah Eagle! You’re the real rainmaker! KAAAAAAWWWW!” He turned and stared at me for what seemed like an eternity, then looked away shaking his head. Later, after the round I was talking with my friend under a pavilion, when I felt a sharp bite on my neck. I turned around and a large bird flew away after leaving a nasty gash on me. I swear it was Eagle.

  2. This sh!t is genius, I was laughing my ass off to multiple stories. Thanks for this great Onion take on disc golf. Keep up the good work.

  3. I saw Eagle McMahon at a grocery store in Boulder, CO yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.
    He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
    I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.
    The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
    When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.


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